Hi, Jay!  Jay Leno was still the host of "The Tonight Show" when manager Paul Porter and the gang at Jaws invited him in for a bite. They were so taken by his generosity when he performed for out-of-work Michiganians last spring -- and so appalled at the gracelessness of the Detroit City Council members who complained that he was doing it in Auburn Hills -- that they named a mammoth double-decker burger after him and asked him to swing by with the crew anytime, on the house.

He didn't show up. So they filmed a lowest-possible-budget video inviting him for a visit, all expenses paid, and posted it at www.jawsjumboburgers.net. They took out an ad in the Los Angeles Daily

News, at a cost of close to $1,000, with the same offer. And most recently -- as the ratings for "The Jay Leno Show" slid down the grease trap -- they offered him a fresh opportunity: His very own Jaws Jumbo Burgers franchise in Burbank, Calif.

What Porter won't say is that as highly as he thinks of Leno, he didn't like "The Jay Leno Show" any better than the 300 million other Americans who didn't watch it. And he does like Conan O'Brien, which means he'll probably wind up having to switch between the two at 11:35 p.m. Which is another reason NBC is stupid.

Let's make a deal

After weeks of frequently entertaining sparring, NBC and O'Brien cut a deal Thursday. He'll get $33 million to flee "The Tonight Show," where he's been averaging 2.5 million viewers per night compared to 4.2 million for David Letterman and 5.3 million for Leno before NBC chased him off the set last year.

That was stupid. It followed by five years a stupid decision in which O'Brien was promised Leno's job -- even though Leno was doing it quite successfully -- because the network was worried O'Brien would leave when his contract for "Late Night" ran out. The question is, where would he have gone?

Letterman's "Late Show" is on CBS. ABC has already said it doesn't want to dump "Nightline" and "Jimmy Kimmel Live," and while O'Brien might in fact wind up on Fox, the Fox affiliates will not be happy to give up the highly profitable syndicated sitcoms most of them air opposite "Tonight." Plan C would be Comedy Central or some other cable network guaranteed not to have the viewership or budget of the Big 4.

It's possible, then, that O'Brien would have stayed put. And if he had, NBC would not have stupidly replaced him at 12:35 p.m. with the likeable Jimmy Fallon, who has improved to the point where he's only bad.

More of the same

Meantime, NBC's solution for what to do with Leno was to pinch pennies in the one prime-time slot where a failed experiment could do the most damage.

The principal attraction to "The Jay Leno Show" from a programming standpoint was that it cost a lot less to produce than the one-hour dramas and news magazines normally seen at 10 p.m. What NBC seemed to forget -- stupidly -- is that the public's tolerance for repetitive prime-time programming, on the order of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" or "Deal or No Deal," waxes and wanes in a hurry.

When Leno's ratings cratered, the collateral damage included the local 11 p.m. news programs that depend on a strong lead-in. When the newscasts stumbled, they tripped up "The Tonight Show," meaning O'Brien was sandbagged by the host he replaced who is now replacing him.

NBC's first stupid plan when it decided to cancel Leno was to put him on for 30 minutes at 11:35 p.m., pushing "Tonight" back to tomorrow. There's no reason to think an abridged version of Leno would fly any higher than a full hour of him at 10 p.m., but it didn't matter.

While NBC had stupidly assured Leno that O'Brien wouldn't mind being bumped back past midnight, O'Brien did in fact object, with humor if not grace. "In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book," he said at one point. "In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network."

A free agent now

O'Brien is considerably richer and free to look for new opportunities. Leno, meanwhile, has been stupidly set up for failure in a setting where he'd worked hard to create almost nonstop success.

When he returns to "Tonight" on March 1, after the Winter Olympics, he'll be competing against his own legacy and a strengthened Letterman. By September, he could also be up against O'Brien.

He'll start with no momentum and at least a faintly tarnished image, and anything less robust than his previous ratings will look like a collapse.

Maybe the burger franchise isn't such a bad idea.

nrubin@detnews.com (313) 222-1874

Jumbo Burger Pays Tribute to Jay Leno's Free Shows l Detroit News l Business Insider l Thursday April 2, 2009 l   More than a warm reception awaits Jay Leno when he arrives here next week for two free shows at the Palace of Auburn Hills. A big fat hamburger named in his honor is on the menu at Jaws Jumbo Burgers and Subs at 29216 Orchard Lake Road in Farmington Hills. "The Thank You Jay Leno Burger"  is a double - decker with two 1/3 pound sirloin patties, mushrooms, double bacon and double  American-Swiss cheese. The burger will be on sale for $7.89 Tuesday and Wednesday, the dates of Leno's shows. Otherwise, the price is $10.75. For Leno and his crew, lunch or dinner is on the house.

The Thank You Jay Leno Burger

A Leno Burger   Farmington Hills Observer Local Link  Sunday March 22, 2009 Jaws Jumbo Burgers and Subs will offer a specialty "Thank You, Jay Leno, Burger" April 6-10. The made-to-order double-decker burger features two 1/3-pound ground sirloin patties, mushrooms, double bacon and double American-Swiss cheese. Regularly $10.75, the price will be reduced to $7.89 on April 7 and 8, the days Leno will host free shows at the Palace of Auburn Hills. Leno and his crew are invited to Jaws Jumbo Burgers for a free lunch or dinner, any day, at any hour. Jaws Jumbo Burgers and Subs is located at 29216 Orchard Lake Road, between 12 Mile and 13 Mile roads, in Farmington Hills. Hours are 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday-Saturday, closed Sunday. Call (248) 855-2228 or visit http://www.jawsjumboburgers.net/.